All my childhood, I had dreamed of the perfect family I would have; you know… the perfect husband and three wonderful children. Needless to say, my dream did not come true. I became pregnant at the age of 19, we had been dating off and on for 5 years. 5 ½ months into my pregnancy we married. Our relationship was always very unstable and we were both very immature.
When my precious baby boy, Trevor, turned a year old, I found out I was pregnant again. I told my husband, but he said we could not afford another child. The next week he drove me to Houston and I had an abortion. I did however get to see my baby on the screen during the ultrasound and that tiny gift from God has been implanted in my memory ever since. I knew in my heart that this baby was a girl. At the day of my abortion she was 6 weeks and 1 day Even though she was gone I could not go on without naming her, several months later I named her Amber Michelle. Last month was very hard, she would have been 24.
God pursued me in this so that I could heal emotionally. For so long I was ashamed of my past and refused to allow myself to mourn for her. But God is God and He will pursue until you give in. Since I started speaking to friends and family about my abortion I have been healed tremendously. When he first asked me to speak out, the emotions were so strong I thought I would die. Then a few months later he spoke to me first thing in the morning and said “as you are healing, there are so many more babies being terminated and so many women who are hurting.” And He showed me a vision which led to the founding of New Beginnings.
I must say to those of you who have gone through an abortion experience or know someone who has. Please allow God into your heart to clean it out and to heal you. Here are a few of the verses that God laid on my heart. Psalm 51, 68:19, and 124:8
Shortly after the abortion in 1993, my husband & I divorced. In 1999 I married a wonderful man. But the dream of having more children has come to an end. We became pregnant in 2009 but shortly after this discovery, I had a miscarriage. So, I have had three pregnancies with only one child who survived. This began a new healing journey called “Grieving The Child I Never Knew” by Kathe Wunnenberg.
I now understand God’s plan was for me to help others who have lost a child find healing. I am willing to listen and I will pray for you daily. If you feel God speaking to you I’m sure He is saying “My child let me carry your burden and allow me to heal you.” ~Rayna